The Holiday Gift No ʻOhana Wants — Estate Fights That Last a Lifetime
- Keoni
- 7 days ago
- 4 min read
If you’ve ever played White Elephant, you know exactly how quickly things can get competitive. Someone “steals” the one gift worth having, alliances form between spouses, and poor Cousin Sarah ends up stuck with the singing fish for the third year in a row. It’s all in good fun — mostly.
Now imagine that same energy, except the “prizes” are Dad’s classic car, Mom’s jewelry, or the beach house your parents bought decades ago. No rules. No turns. No laughing afterward. And unlike the holiday party, no one forgets who took what.
That’s exactly what can happen when a family loses a loved one without a clear estate plan.
When the Game Has No Rules
In a real White Elephant exchange, everyone agrees to the rules before the game starts. There are limits, turns, and structure.
But when someone passes away without proper planning, there are no rules. No roadmap. No referee. And absolutely no agreement about who should receive what.
That lack of clarity creates the perfect storm for:
Old rivalries resurfacing
Siblings “claiming” items before others can get to them
Arguments over sentimental pieces versus high-value assets
Confusion about who is supposed to be in charge
Delays caused by probate court and legal filings
And unlike a holiday party grudge, these wounds often don’t heal.
When “Stealing” Stops Being a Joke
Families in Hawaiʻi often tell me they “get along fine” — until something valuable or sentimental is on the line. Without written instructions, emotions run high, assumptions collide, and even close ʻohana members can turn into competitors.
It’s common to see:
Two or more people wanting the same item
Someone feeling blindsided by verbal promises that were never honored
Adult children from different relationships disagreeing with a surviving spouse
People keeping score of who “got more”
Long-term resentment developing over a single decision
And once these conflicts begin, it’s incredibly difficult to repair the relationships.
How Hawaiʻi Law Steps In — Whether You Like It or Not
When there is no estate plan, state law decides who inherits. Someone must petition the court to be named the personal representative. That process can take months, be expensive, and create suspicion about who is trying to take control.
Worse, sentimental value often gets overshadowed by financial value.
A family heirloom with deep emotional meaning can end up with the wrong person simply because the law dictates it — not because it’s what you wanted.
Creating Clarity Instead of Conflict
At my Honolulu estate planning firm, we focus on more than preparing documents. We help ensure your ʻohana knows exactly what you want — and why.
During your Life & Legacy Planning Session, you’ll:
Get clear on what you own and its true value
Decide who should receive what, and the reasons behind those decisions
Choose who you want in charge, instead of whoever rushes to court first
Protect sentimental items so they end up with the people who will cherish them
Document your wishes in a way that prevents conflict, confusion, and “he said, she said” challenges
Just as importantly, we guide you through the conversations that matter — the ones that prevent misunderstandings long before they ever arise.
This is how you create harmony instead of heartbreak.
This Holiday Season, Give Your ʻOhana the Gift of Peace
While other families are mapping out their White Elephant strategies, you can give your loved ones something far more meaningful: the comfort of knowing they will never have to fight over your estate.
A little planning today can spare your ʻohana years of stress, legal battles, and fractured relationships.
If you’re in Honolulu or anywhere in Hawaiʻi and want to create a plan that truly protects your legacy, I’m here to help.
FAQs
What happens in Hawaiʻi if someone dies without a will or trust?
Hawaiʻi’s intestacy laws determine who inherits. This often leads to outcomes the family doesn’t expect — especially in blended families — and can trigger probate, which is public, time-consuming, and costly.
Is probate required in Hawaiʻi?
Often, yes. Without a properly funded trust, most estates must go through probate, which can take months or longer. A trust can help avoid this and keep matters private.
How can I prevent my family from fighting over sentimental items?
Clear instructions, written guidance, and conversations while you’re still alive make the biggest difference. Your estate plan should reflect not just financial value but emotional value as well.
What is a Life & Legacy Planning Session?
It’s a working session where we review your assets, your goals, and your family dynamics to create a customized plan that actually works when your ʻohana needs it.
📍 Based in Honolulu | Serving all of Hawaiʻi
📅 Schedule your Life & Legacy Planning Session here
📞 You can reach us at 808-725-3454
This article is brought to you by the Law Office of Keoni Souza, a boutique estate planning firm located in Honolulu, Hawaiʻi, proudly serving families on Oʻahu and across the Hawaiian Islands. At our firm, estate planning is about more than documents — it’s about creating lasting peace of mind for you and the people you love. Through our unique Life & Legacy Planning Process, we guide you to make informed, empowered decisions that protect your wealth, your wishes, and your family’s future. To get started, contact our Honolulu office today to schedule your Life & Legacy Planning Session.
Disclaimer: The information on this website is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. For guidance tailored to your specific situation, please consult an estate planning attorney licensed in the State of Hawaiʻi. Use of this website or communication through this site does not create an attorney-client relationship with the Law Office of Keoni Souza, LLC.
