The Guardian Dilemma: Why Hawaiʻi Parents Should Choose "Good Enough" Over Nothing
- Keoni
- Mar 16, 2018
- 4 min read
Updated: May 9
If you have young children and haven’t yet named a guardian in your estate plan, you're not alone. Many Hawaiʻi families put off this decision — hoping that the perfect choice will eventually become clear.
But here’s the truth: done is better than perfect — especially when it comes to protecting your keiki.
What Happens If You Don’t Choose?
If something were to happen to you, and you haven’t legally named a guardian, a judge would make that decision for you. And that judge, who doesn’t know your values, your wishes, or your children, would have complete control over who raises them.
That’s a risk no parent wants to take.
Why You Might Be Avoiding It
You and your partner may not agree on who the ideal guardian should be. Or maybe you’re worried that no one is “good enough.” But letting fear or indecision delay your planning could leave your children vulnerable.
Let’s shift the focus. Instead of searching for perfection, look for someone better than a stranger chosen by the court.
A Simple Step-by-Step Process for Choosing a Guardian
I help Honolulu families navigate this process all the time. Here’s a straightforward approach to help you move forward:
1. Brainstorm Possible Guardians
Make a list of everyone you know who you trust and like — and who your kids know and like. Don’t overthink it. Don’t judge. Just list.
Tip: You and your spouse or co-parent should make your lists separately, then compare.
2. Identify Your Core Parenting Values
Next, write down the qualities that matter most to you when it comes to raising your kids. Examples:
Similar parenting style
Shared values or beliefs
Emotional bond with your children
Educational priorities
Discipline philosophy
Note: Don’t factor in financial resources. You’ll provide that through your estate plan — not them.
3. Match Values to People
Now, rank your guardians based on how well they align with your values. Create a top-three list.
Key Questions to Consider
To help you narrow down your list, ask yourself:
Does my child already know and trust them?
Are they located on Oʻahu (or willing to stay in Hawaiʻi)?
Do they share my core values?
Are they at a good life stage (not too old or too young)?
Do they have children of their own, and would my kids blend well?
Are they willing to take on the responsibility?
And most importantly…
Have I talked to them about it?
The Final (and Crucial) Step: Put It in Writing
Once you’ve made your choice, don’t leave it in a drawer or on a note app. Make it legally binding.
At my Honolulu-based law firm, I’ve developed a comprehensive Kids Protection Plan designed specifically for local families. This plan not only names long-term guardians but also includes:
Short-term guardianship instructions (so your kids are never taken into protective custody)
An emergency ID card for your wallet
Legal documentation tailored to Hawaiʻi law
Guardianship Isn’t Set in Stone
As your children grow and your relationships evolve, you may update your choices. That’s completely normal. What matters most is having something in place now.
Don’t Wait — Your Keiki Deserves a Plan
Choosing a guardian isn’t easy. But it’s one of the most important things you can do to protect your ʻohana. And I’m here to help you do it right — with empathy, legal guidance, and a deep understanding of what matters most to Hawaiʻi families.
FAQs
Q: Can I change my guardianship decision later?
Yes — and you should! It’s common to revisit your choice as your children grow or your relationships change.
Q: What happens if I don’t name a guardian in Hawaiʻi?
The court will decide who raises your children, and it may not be who you would’ve chosen.
Q: Can I name more than one person as a guardian?
Yes. Many parents choose a primary and alternate guardian. Couples can also be named jointly.
Q: What if my preferred guardian lives on the mainland?
It’s possible, but it may involve relocating your children. For many Honolulu families, choosing someone local provides more stability.
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This article is brought to you by the Law Office of Keoni Souza, a boutique estate planning firm located in Honolulu, Hawaiʻi, proudly serving families on Oʻahu and across the Hawaiian Islands. At our firm, estate planning is about more than documents—it’s about creating lasting peace of mind for you and the people you love. Through our unique Life & Legacy Planning Process, we guide you to make informed, empowered decisions that protect your wealth, your wishes, and your family’s future. To get started, contact our Honolulu office today to schedule your Family Wealth Planning Session. Mention this article to learn how you can receive this $750 session at no charge.
Disclaimer: The information on this website is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. For guidance tailored to your specific situation, please consult an estate planning attorney licensed in the State of Hawaiʻi. Use of this website or communication through this site does not create an attorney-client relationship with the Law Office of Keoni Souza, LLC.
