Who Would Raise Your Children If Something Happened to You? The First 72 Hours Most Hawaiʻi Parents Never Plan For
- May 27
- 5 min read
As an estate planning attorney in Honolulu, one of the most important conversations I have with parents is surprisingly simple:
"Who would raise your children if you couldn't?"
Most parents have at least thought about the answer. Maybe you've discussed it with your spouse during a long drive or over dinner. Perhaps you've assumed a sibling, grandparent, close friend, or even your children's godparents would naturally step in.
Unfortunately, that's not how the legal system works.
If you have not legally documented your wishes, the decision about who will care for your children may ultimately be made by a judge — someone who has never met your family and knows nothing about your values, relationships, or children's needs.
What Happens If You Don't Name a Guardian?
One of the biggest misconceptions I hear from parents throughout Hawaiʻi is:
"Everyone knows who we'd want."
The reality is that family assumptions carry very little legal weight.
Without legally documented guardianship nominations, multiple relatives or loved ones may petition the court for custody. Grandparents, siblings, stepparents, aunts, uncles, and close family friends may all believe they are the right choice.
When that happens, a judge must decide.
The court won't know:
Your parenting philosophy
Your educational preferences
Your family's values
Your children's existing relationships
Who your children would feel safest with
The court can only make a decision based on the information presented to it.
The people you would have chosen may not automatically be the people ultimately appointed.
The Bottom Line
If you don't make the decision yourself, someone else will.
The First 72 Hours: The Guardianship Gap Most Parents Miss
While many parents eventually think about long-term guardianship, very few consider what happens immediately after an emergency.
This period — the first 72 hours — is often where the greatest risks exist.
Consider these questions:
Who can pick your children up from school if both parents are hospitalized?
Who can authorize emergency medical treatment?
Who can care for your children before a court becomes involved?
Who knows where your legal documents are located?
Most families don't have clear answers.
A Realistic Scenario
Imagine both parents are involved in a serious accident.
The children are at home with a babysitter.
Emergency responders arrive. Family members begin receiving phone calls. Grandparents rush over.
Yet nobody has legal authority to take custody immediately.
The babysitter doesn't.
The neighbors don't.
Even loving grandparents may not.
As a result, authorities may have no choice but to follow standard procedures until appropriate legal authority can be established.
Meanwhile, your will may be sitting safely in a desk drawer, safe deposit box, or attorney's office. Even if it names a guardian, the court process still must occur before formal custody is established.
That process can take weeks or months — not hours.
Why This Matters
The question isn't only:
"Who will raise my children?"
It's also:
"Who can step in immediately when my children need someone right now?"
A complete guardianship plan addresses both.
Why So Many Parents Delay This Decision
In my experience, procrastination is rarely about not caring.
It's usually because the decision feels overwhelming.
Parents worry:
What if we choose the wrong person?
What if relationships change?
What if someone feels hurt by our decision?
What if circumstances look different ten years from now?
Those concerns are completely understandable.
But here's the important thing:
A guardianship designation is not set in stone.
As your children grow and your circumstances change, your estate plan can be updated.
The greater risk is leaving no instructions at all.
The Bottom Line
A guardian can be changed.
A missed opportunity to make the decision cannot.
Choosing a Guardian: Questions That Matter Most
Many parents begin by asking:
"Who do I trust?"
That's a great starting point.
But trust alone is not enough.
The better question is:
"Who would raise my children in a way that reflects our values and priorities?"
When evaluating potential guardians, consider:
Shared Values
Would this person approach education, discipline, faith, and family life similarly to you?
Willingness
Have you actually spoken with them?
Being willing to serve is just as important as being capable.
Practical Considerations
Where do they live?
Would your children need to relocate?
Would they remain near friends and family?
Age and Health
The most loving choice may not always be the most practical long-term choice.
Keeping Siblings Together
Can all of your children realistically remain together in this person's care?
Backup Guardians
What happens if your first choice cannot serve?
Naming alternates can prevent uncertainty and future court disputes.
If You Name a Couple
Relationships change.
Consider what should happen if that couple later separates, divorces, or becomes unable to serve together.
One Common Myth: Godparents Are Not Legal Guardians
Many parents are surprised to learn this.
Naming someone as a godparent does not give them legal authority to raise your child.
Likewise:
Verbal agreements are not legally binding.
Family assumptions are not legally binding.
Informal promises are not legally binding.
Proper legal documentation is what matters.
Guardianship Is Only One Piece of the Puzzle
Choosing a guardian is critically important, but it should never be viewed in isolation.
A complete estate plan also addresses:
Who manages money for your children
How assets will be distributed
Emergency decision-making authority
Temporary caregiving arrangements
Long-term financial support
In many cases, the person best suited to raise your children is not necessarily the best person to manage inherited assets.
A thoughtfully designed plan allows those roles to be separated.
An Often-Overlooked Layer of Protection
One strategy many parents never consider is documenting not only who should raise their children — but also who should not.
In certain situations, clearly expressing those wishes can help avoid future disputes and significantly reduce the likelihood of an unwanted individual seeking guardianship through the courts.
Protecting Hawaiʻi Families Before a Crisis Happens
For parents throughout Honolulu and across Hawaiʻi, guardianship planning isn't about expecting something bad to happen.
It's about ensuring that if the unexpected occurs, your children remain surrounded by people you trust — not left in uncertainty while legal questions are sorted out.
The best time to make these decisions is while you have the ability to make them yourself.
Because if a court ever has to decide who raises your children, it's already too late for your voice to be heard directly.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does naming a guardian in my will avoid court involvement?
Not entirely. A will allows you to express your wishes, but a court still typically appoints the guardian. Additional planning can help address the critical period before that appointment occurs.
Can grandparents automatically take custody of my children?
Not necessarily. Grandparents do not automatically receive legal authority simply because they are relatives.
Are godparents automatically guardians?
No. A godparent designation generally carries religious or personal significance but does not create legal guardianship rights.
What happens if my chosen guardian moves away?
Your estate plan can be updated to reflect changing circumstances. Guardianship nominations should be reviewed periodically to ensure they still make sense.
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This article is brought to you by the Law Office of Keoni Souza, a boutique estate planning firm located in Honolulu, Hawaiʻi, proudly serving families on Oʻahu and across the Hawaiian Islands. At our firm, estate planning is about more than documents — it’s about creating lasting peace of mind for you and the people you love. Through our unique Life & Legacy Planning Process, we guide you to make informed, empowered decisions that protect your wealth, your wishes, and your family’s future. To get started, contact our Honolulu office today to schedule your Life & Legacy Planning Session.
Disclaimer: The information on this website is for informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. For guidance tailored to your specific situation, please consult an estate planning attorney licensed in the State of Hawaiʻi. Use of this website or communication through this site does not create an attorney-client relationship with the Law Office of Keoni Souza, LLC.
