top of page

Married, Same-Gender Couples: 3 Estate Planning Issues

gay couple with daughter

Now that same-gender couples can legally marry in all 50 states, more Americans than ever before are enjoying the rights and benefits that come with marriage. Estate planning, in particular, is one arena where these new rights and benefits are readily apparent.

With marriage equality, same-gender couples no longer have to pay exorbitant amounts of money for creative estate-planning workarounds just to achieve similar protections offered to opposite-gender couples. Yet same-gender couples continue to face unique planning challenges.

Because you may have family members who remain opposed to the validity of your marriage, same-gender couples’ estate plans are often more vulnerable to dispute and even sabotage by unsupportive relatives. This could mean that family members are more likely to contest your wishes, or it might entail custody battles over non-biological children in the event of the biological parent’s death.

Unsupportive family members may even try to block the ability of your spouse to make medical decisions on your behalf should you become incapacitated by accident or illness.

While the planning vehicles available to same-gender and opposite-gender married couples are generally the same, there are a few unique considerations those in same-gender marriages ought to be aware of.

Here are three of the most important things to keep in mind:

Relying solely on a will is risky: For a number of reasons, putting a trust in place—rather than relying solely on a will—is a good planning strategy for nearly everyone. Upon the death of one spouse, a will is required to go through the often long, costly, public, and conflict-ridden court process known as probate. However, assets passed through a trust pass directly to the named beneficiaries without the need for probate.

If your relationship is not supported by one or both families, avoiding probate is especially important. If a family member doesn’t support same-gender marriage, they’re more likely to contest your will during probate, especially if that family member would’ve received a substantially larger inheritance in a previous will prepared before the marriage.

If your will is successfully contested, this could prevent your surviving spouse from receiving assets you left them in your will. And even if the contest ultimately fails, the process of defending the will’s validity in court can be extremely time-consuming, costly, and emotionally draining for your surviving spouse.

What’s more, a trust works in cases of both your death and incapacity, while a will only goes into effect upon death. Given these reasons, it’s best for those in same-gender marriages to create both a will and trust.

Don’t neglect to plan for incapacity: Estate planning is not just about planning for your death; it’s also about planning for your potential incapacity. Should you be incapacitated by illness or injury, it’s not guaranteed that your spouse would have the ultimate legal authority to make key decisions about your medical treatment and finances.

Absent a plan for incapacity, it’s left to the court to appoint the person who will make these decisions for you. Though spouses are typically given priority, this isn’t always the case, especially if unsupportive family members challenge the issue in court. To ensure your spouse has the authority to make decisions for you, you must grant him or her the power to do so in an advance health care directive and in a financial power of attorney.

An advance health care directive gives your spouse the authority to make health care decisions for you if you’re incapacitated and unable to do so yourself as well as inform your spouse how you want your medical care managed in the event of your incapacity. By the same token, a financial power of attorney gives your spouse the authority to manage your financial affairs.

Ensure parental rights are protected: While the biological parent of a child in a same-gender marriage is of course automatically granted parental rights, the non-biological spouse/parent still faces a number of legal complications. Because the Supreme Court has yet to rule on the parental rights of non-biological spouses/parents in a same-gender marriage, there is a tangled, often-contradictory, web of state laws governing such rights.

To ensure the full rights of a non-biological parent, many legal experts advise same-gender couples to undergo second-parent adoption. But in many states, it can be extremely difficult for same-gender couples to adopt—some states even permit employees of state-licensed adoption agencies to refuse to grant an adoption if doing so violates their religious beliefs.

However, using a variety of unique planning strategies, the Law Office of Keoni Souza can provide non-biological, same-gender parents with many of the same parental rights. Using my Kids Protection Plan®, couples can name the non-biological parent as the child’s legal guardian, both for the short-term and the long-term, while confidentially excluding anyone the biological parent thinks may challenge their wishes. In this way, if the biological parent becomes incapacitated or dies, his or her wishes are clearly stated, so the court can take this into consideration.

Beyond that, there are several other planning tools I can use to offer the non-biological parent additional rights. One such tool is a co-parenting agreement. This is an agreement that stipulates exactly how the child will be raised, what responsibility each spouse has toward the child, and what kind of rights would exist if the couple splits or goes through a divorce.

Experience you can trust

In light of these issues, it’s crucial that married, same-gender couples, especially those with children, always work with experienced planning professionals and avoid using generic online documents at all costs. At the Law Office of Keoni Souza, I can create plans specifically designed to prevent your plan from being challenged in court by family members who disagree with your relationship.

What’s more, my specialized planning services can help ensure that non-biological parents in same-gender marriages have as many parental rights as possible, without resorting to second-parent adoption. Contact me today to get started with a Family Wealth Planning Session.

This article is a service of the Law Office of Keoni Souza, LLC, an estate and legal life planning law firm in Honolulu, Hawaii. I don’t just draft documents; I ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why I offer a Family Wealth Planning Session, ™ during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before, and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by contacting my office today to schedule a Family Wealth Planning Session and mention this article to find out how to get this $750 session at no charge.

DISCLAIMER: All information available at this website are for informational purposes only and is not legal advice. You should contact an attorney directly regarding your specific situation. Use of and access to this website or any of the email links contained within the site do not create an attorney-client relationship between the Law Office of Keoni Souza, LLC and any users or any other party.


Commenting has been turned off.
6 Mistakes Mockup 4.png


No time for mistakes. Save your family a lot of money, stress, and wasted time.

bottom of page